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by revolutionary_manumission_abolitionists (iron_america)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Actual Historical References, First Chapter Is From John's POV, Gen, Laurens Death Fic, POV Second Person, Second Chapter Is From Alexander's POV, Suicidal Tendencies, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5944912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iron_america/pseuds/revolutionary_manumission_abolitionists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over, but you have to die. // You throw yourself into your work, trying to distract yourself from the heartache.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Laurens

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY SUPERBOWL SUNDAY! Now have some angsty Laurens fic.

You march down to South Carolina with your men after Yorktown to stop more fighting.

You tell your men, “The war is finished.” But the war inside your head is not. “Don't do anything rash.” You should listen to your own advice.

You tell your men not to get killed.

The war is over. You don't have to die.

It runs through your head as a mantra. The mantra gets twisted until it turns into: The war is over, but you have to die.

You're so surprised that your brain would turn against you that you nearly ask, “why?” out loud.

But you know the answer. It's because you're responsible for the death of your brother. You're also living in sin. A… _sodomite_.

You survey the soldiers, mentally choosing the one with the most muscle. One part of your brain justifies it as a challenge.

The other part _knows_. The other part of your brain knows that the soldier you chose is too experienced and that you won't make it out alive.

You run up to the soldier, he shoots you, and the world goes _numb_.


	2. Alexander

You get news that John ran into battle with Redcoats on September 15. The letter is from Henry Laurens, because no one else bothered to tell you, not even your friends.

Granted, your friends probably didn’t know either, but you would’ve liked to know that your... _lover_...was dead.

When your wife says that the letter is from Henry, you know something’s wrong. Henry had only written you twice in the past.

Eliza starts reading the letter, and your heart leaps into your throat.

John Laurens.

 _Dead_.

You can’t believe it.

A week later, you start classes at a local school, studying law. You throw yourself into your work, trying to distract yourself from the heartache, but it _doesn’t work_. Nothing _works._

But you still try, in hopes that it _will_.

You write like you’re running out of time. You don’t sleep. This is all because you’re trying to distract yourself.

But it never works.

Nothing ever works.

You still feel _numb_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY (no I'm not).
> 
> Fun fact: Laurens was at Yorktown and knew that the war was over when he ran into battle with the Redcoats at Combahee River.


End file.
